I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
