Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
