The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
