God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
