the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
