There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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