don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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