Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
