Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
