Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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