So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
