the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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