Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
