There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pants are for mortals
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize