You work out of a Hotel?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
