This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
