i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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