Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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