I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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