Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
