Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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