I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
