you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
