He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just puked most of my soul out..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
