If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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