mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
