If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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