I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
