You're completely useless in the revolution.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
