i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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