Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And then he peed in my hair
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