Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
