All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
how does that bad decision feel?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
