Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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