tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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