WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize