my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this hospital has no fireball
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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