Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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