Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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