I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
