just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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