I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
