so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My pussy is not your playground.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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