Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
