I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
