Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
