Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
