What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
