i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
