he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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