I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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