You're completely useless in the revolution.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
