Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
