Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
