Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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