yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
