i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i out mim tonsoeep
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