At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
