guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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