I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
