sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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