Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
