I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
