Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
