u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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