Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
