Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize