Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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