SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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