So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
