I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
