i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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