Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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