I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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