I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
