Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
