Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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