Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
